It has been a long time since I last posted and I have felt somewhat sad. I have not thought of anything witty or profound for awhile and maybe that is why I have not written. But it's time to pull myself out of the dumps and start spreading some sunshine. Even if I spread it here to myself.
I'm tired. I'm tired of trying and failing to keep my house clean. I'm horrible at it. Really,this is not a strength that I have. Some people are amazing at it, well not me. So I'm just tired of looking at my house and seeing my failure. Not fun. I'm tired of waking up so dang early to get Trout off to school. Don't get me wrong I love our time together in the morning trying to talk about what is happening in her day ( both her and I are not morning people) and then when we are waiting for her ride, we snuggle up together under a blanket. I love doing this with her I just wish it was later in the morning. I'm tired of measuring myself next to other people. There are tons of people who are better then me and I have to stop beating myself up for not being like them. ( Ah, look at comment no.1 cleaning my house). I look at others and feel that I'm totally inadequate or doing something wrong. You know that days, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of just being tired. I have tried everything to not be tired. I work out and love it, ( is that not supposed to give you more energy?). I'm totally drained by the end of the day. What am I talking about I'm drained just sitting here typing after having a nice long morning nap. Man I have a problem. I want to be supermom. We've all seen those women. The ones that are head of the PTA, run marathons, have a perfectly clean house, the children are all straight A geniuses. And they are like the energizer bunny. They keep going and going. Well I don't think those women really exists. That women if she is doing all of this is crying in her bathroom every night with exhaustion. She is this close to snapping and having a breakdown. And she feels just as rotten and worthless as the rest of us. So I'm trying to look at all the good things that I do. I think we all need to stop and write down the things we do well. We don't have to do them perfectly or all the time, but the things that we are good at. And what we like about ourselves. I think then we will see just how great we really are. OK so now it's time all of us pull ourselves out of the dumps and spread some sunshine to those we meet today.
On the lighter side. I had a wonderful weekend. It was my birthday. Not just any birthday, a very special birthday. Kangaroo and I share our birthday. She was born on the same day that I was. Now I must admit that at the time of birth I was not very thrilled about this birthday gift. This gift was painful, and a lot of work. But everyone around me was telling me how wonderful this was and does not happen very often. I'm thinking to myself "Yay me! Now give me some drugs!". Well time has passed and sharing a birthday is really special. It's something that we have that no one else does. It's our special day together. Really she's the one that celebrates and I do all the work to make it wonderful. HAHA! But this birthday was amazing. Kangaroo turned 8, yup 8. And on her 8th birthday, on the day she was baptized. How many of us can say that. That on our actual birthday we were baptized. And then to be able to say that on my birthday and baptism day I wish my Mom Happy Birthday too. Now swap it for a mothers view. On my birthday I helped be a creator with God. I suffered pain, immense pain to give a beautiful daughter of God life. On my birthday I held a soul so clean and pure that only moments before I'm sure was held by our Savior. Eight years later I helped that little girl open the gate to return to her Father in Heaven. And then on my birthday, watching her father on earth baptize her, held a soul so clean and pure as the day she left her Father in Heaven. It brings tears to my eyes. I had the most amazing birthday. I will never have a day like that again on my birthday, and on her birthday too. Thank you to all who made her day possible. Her grandparents for raising her parents and teaching them the gospel. Thank you to those who teach her at church. Thank you to those that welcome her into their homes and love her like one of their own daughters, and Thank you to my Heavenly Father and Savior for sending her to me on my birthday, and teaching me how to raise her. It was an awesome day, I'm so thrilled to have this beautiful memory.
Now something funny.
Mom: "Hey Bug how do you get milk from a cow?"
Bug: (Hands on hips with hip to the side)" You walk up to the cow and say HEY COW GIMME SOME MILK!"
( I thought that was hilarious)
You should know that you're also one of the women who others compare themselves to ;-) It's so funny to read this, not because what you say is humorous, but just shows how the grass is always greener in someone else's PTA-Mom life. I wish I loved running like you do, I wish I had cute outfits and well-done hair and a beautiful house like you, but I don't. So I might as well celebrate what God has given me and trust that it's right. Congratulations on your daughter's baptism, I'm so happy for you, what a special event.
ReplyDeleteOh, and that little comment is hilarious! HEY COW!! :-) I'm pretty sure that's how it happens.
I agree with Jennika. I am CERTAIN that you are one of those women that other women compare themselves to! I am guilty of that myself. You are fabulous and hit so many things on the nail. Love your comparison between birth and baptism. What two beautiful moments in your life! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and frustrations. It makes us all a little stronger.
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